A Sudden Chill

The first time I ever went into a supermarket was when I was applying for a job. I’d just been booted through the banishment portal because I couldn’t resist turning the prince’s ears into sweet potatoes…which, in my defence, is what he gets when he cancels the Annual Wizard Games and Associated Frivolity because it’s his birthday and “magic is a silly thing, a silly thing indeed.” I look forward to the Wizard Games! I’d been practicing my confounding charms all year!

Anyway, place was an icy cold as the frost maiden’s cavern in the depths of the earth, which I was told was because it was summer and they keep everyone cool with air conditioning. Brighton has a lot of that, apparently, as does…Australia in general. When i said I didn’t know what air conditioning was, I was gazed upon like I was a hill dwarf, my beard encrusted with mud and other disgusting matter. That was my first major blunder, though someone asked me if I was from Siberia and I just said yes. Still not 100% sure what Siberia is…obviously some sort of faraway kingdom where they have no air conditioning. But according to my new workmates at Joel’s, that is where I am from. It’s me, a proud Siberian! Fortunately, my prior casting of an accent filter charm caused them to not notice that I sound like one of them, and not a Siberian who knows now of air conditioning.

It’s terribly cold in here, though. Walking through the door is like stepping through a portal to a place thousands of miles to the north, where the frost giants roam and where one’s robes start to feel a bit too drafty. Fortunately, you get used to it very quickly. Actually, this cooling strategy is quite good, maybe the best air conditioning Bayside has to offer. People seem to come into the shop, just so they can be cool, and then they end up buying things. That’s some sort of double-layered genius.