Internet, Be Swift!

Is there anything that ruins your day quite like slow internet? I admit, we as a species have really just become utterly dependent on being able to click on a page and having it load in under two seconds. Add a single second to that count, and even that’s enough to cause clenching of the teeth and balling of fists, along with the obligatory furrowing of the brow as your brain yells at you to ditch the page and go elsewhere like a power-crazy drill sergeant.

But when you’re doing delicate research, you can’t just go elsewhere. Every website you click on could be the one, the exact thing that you’re looking for. And when you’re dumb enough to entirely take on the responsibility of planning your nephew’s birthday party, then you need all the precious data you can get, even if it’s given to you at 2003 internet speeds.

Just a simple search for kids party venues that are open here in Jandakot, it’s not too much to ask. I’m not asking for that much, although if I could not spend fifteen minutes loading the image gallery, that’d be great. I dare not click on any of the actually image thumbnails; that’d destroy all my progress and have me staring at a slowly loading image for another quarter of an hour. I can squint; your elephant slide looks lovely. Oh, and they have a café, that’s nice. At least I don’t really need to see a larger image of that.

I got myself into this, and now I have to do it right. I’m going to find the perfect birthday party venue, or die trying. That is, die from sheer frustration as I click over to the ‘about us’ page and watch as the page very slowly slides into view, like I’m getting a sheet printed from a faulty printer.

You know, it’d actually be quicker to just pound the pavement. You know, actually visit some of the birthday party venues. Jandakot locals used to do that, back in the old days. The old days of the nineties. Those were some good times.