Develop Welding

If there’s one thing that really bothers me about the elven society in ‘Bored of the Rings’, it’s how they’ve apparently existed for tens of thousands of years and never discovered real basic stuff. Like bathrooms. You don’t ever SEE anyone needing to use the bathroom, but I’ve seen all their elven dwellings and they’re basically magically-lit treehouses. No plumbing, obviously. They haven’t discovered electricity, the combustion engine, microprocessors…this despite being immortal, wise and fair for eons. I mean, come ON. So wise, and you can’t even fathom a u-bend.

When does marine fabrication get invented in this world? We see from the prequel series ‘Still Kinda Interested in the Rings At This Point’ that elves came over the sea on boats thousands of years ago. All that time, and their boats still look exactly the same. In our world, marine fabrication got invented around the time when people did a bit of science and realised that metal DOES float if you make it in the right shape. Then someone else discovered marine welding and suddenly we were sailing around in giant cruise ships that could hold thousands of people with room for a dance hall and several restaurants.

I bet elven ships have none of that stuff. They just have the basics, and you have to play those weird games where you toss dice, or wile away the voyage learning to play one of those giant harps, because Elven culture in all its wisdom never invented connect-four or steaming.

Just saying, a robust marine welding industry churning out stainless steel snapper racks is the sign of a culture that values advancement. Elves are stagnant, even though they think they’re so great. I’m glad they left Upper-Middle Dirtland, because now maybe the Men of the East can finally get things done.