It wasn’t me, and they can’t prove otherwise. I, Fernando the Relentless, did not break the front door. I think it was Robin Collinson, because he is not a real vampire. He is an energy vampire, which means he can walk in the sunlight. Therefore he has no reason for a front door. It is …
As my mother used to tell me, “Andrew, wear more jumpers.” I never listened, but we lived in Vietnam and jumpers aren’t necessary for about 95% of the year. Maybe more than that, actually. Now I’m in Melbourne, and several years later I still don’t think I’ve learned that lesson. It’s SUPPOSED to be summer, …
Last time we were there she’d had a walk-in fridge installed. That sounds a little odd, considering there are only two of them, but Aunt Tilda said that finding a space for it was a bit of a challenge. Ah, yep. More of a challenge means it takes up more time. It’s really quite swish …
Okay, bit of a setback. As it turns out, you can’t actually turn one entire wall of your home into a massive pane of glass. They don’t make panes that big, and if they did they’d be impossible to transport. Plus, it would be dangerous, apparently – “structurally-unsound to the highest degree” was the phrase …
All that secret elevator controlled by a clock business turned out to be overkill. Could’ve just got some really convincing wallpaper printed and all my problems could’ve been over. So that’s annoying, all that money spent on security, but I guess now I know. And also I’m a billionaire, so…it’s not like I don’t have …