You would think that, given we are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, the Victorian election for the next Premier would be delayed. You would also think that, if said election was to continue anyway, people would use common sense and mail in their votes. But it seems as if everybody is going to …
It wasn’t me, and they can’t prove otherwise. I, Fernando the Relentless, did not break the front door. I think it was Robin Collinson, because he is not a real vampire. He is an energy vampire, which means he can walk in the sunlight. Therefore he has no reason for a front door. It is …
I recently came into a bit of money which is a massive relief because I have been struggling to make ends meet. I own my home, which obviously puts me in a very good position in terms of assets. But cash-wise, I have struggled for many years. Of course, I don’t want to sell my …
Everyone has just jumped to the frankly massive conclusion that we’re going to be needing oxygen on the moon. Oh, they go on and on about it like it’s the most important thing. Oxygen this, oxygen that, “oh, we need to breathe, blah, blah!” “Someone give me the plans for the bio-dome, we need to …
There’s a lot of talk going around lately on the topic of working from home: the upsides, the drawbacks, and the mere curiosities. For me, there’s one thing that stands out, and that’s how all this affects one’s dress sense. It’s not just a matter of tracksuit pants on the bottom, smart casual shirt on …
There’s a man in a black suit outside. He’s been standing there all day, occasionally peeking through the windows. He doesn’t flinch when I make eye contact with him. Doesn’t seem bothered by the loud music I’m playing. He knows I’m home, and yet he doesn’t knock on the door. It’s thirty-five degrees and yet …
Of all the things in the world I could be reclining in at any given time, a hammock and a bathtub top my list of preferred options. So you can imagine how chuffed I was when I recently discovered that ‘hammock tubs’ are a thing. Seriously, they are. They might not be a common sight, …
My brother Gareth needs to start taking better care of his health. He’s always got something awry, and invariably has an appoint at some specialist clinic or another. If it’s not a rare ear infection, it’s a newly acquired allergy, an unusual sprain or a toenail fungus. Some might say he’s unlucky, but personally I …
Do firsts always come in threes? I recently experienced my first ever run-in between my car a stationary object. The lamp post got off just fine, and the car didn’t fare that badly either, although a chunk of paint got scraped off the back bumper. I was kind of horrified because I figured it would …
My sister’s got this weird thing with her house at the moment. Actually, it’s more of a weird thing with her, in relation to the house. Basically, she’s begun to fancy herself as a ‘house whisper’ of sorts. She believes that she’s repaired a number of maintenance issues through the power of soothing vocal tones …