Wear More Jumpers

As my mother used to tell me, “Andrew, wear more jumpers.” I never listened, but we lived in Vietnam and jumpers aren’t necessary for about 95% of the year. Maybe more than that, actually. Now I’m in Melbourne, and several years later I still don’t think I’ve learned that lesson. It’s SUPPOSED to be summer, …

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Offices, Forever

There, I just solved the issue of how to explain to an alien race what we’re like, or at least how to effectively begin the conversation. Then the aliens would ask about these ‘offices’, and maybe I’d go into explaining all the ins and outs of office politics. I could even use examples of clever office …

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A Sudden Chill

Anyway, place was an icy cold as the frost maiden’s cavern in the depths of the earth, which I was told was because it was summer and they keep everyone cool with air conditioning. Brighton has a lot of that, apparently, as does…Australia in general. When i said I didn’t know what air conditioning was, …

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Buying and Selling

Sometimes I buy out an entire industry and it feels a bit wrong. True, the whole idea of having an obscene amount of money is that you become morally superior, you gain the ability to dictate who lives and who dies, and the world becomes as a pile of children’s blocks with which to shape …

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Just Moon Dust

Don’t people realise? The whole point of us planning a glorious new Lunar Kingdom is that we transcend those unimportant things. We’ll not be needing oxygen…like cool kids. Cool kids breathing moon dust, which will make us 60% stronger and give us the power of telepathy. The way I see it, oxygen is going to …

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Get It Together!

Also, I have air conditioning, which is GREAT because I was about to call the Canberra air conditioning repair team, and now I don’t have to. Yeah, one day about four years ago I hung some sheets up (it was an unusually-productive day) and then I realised that I didn’t have anything to hang them …

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New Fridge, Auntie?

Last time we were there she’d had a walk-in fridge installed. That sounds a little odd, considering there are only two of them, but Aunt Tilda said that finding a space for it was a bit of a challenge. Ah, yep. More of a challenge means it takes up more time. It’s really quite swish …

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The Fixer-Uppers

In those first few days, we tried to plan how we would survive, and we came to the conclusion that the automotive industry was our best bet. Fortunately, we found ourselves in Bentleigh. Auto electrical services were more prominent here than anywhere else in Melbourne, and so we set about integrating ourselves into this business. …

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The Old Salon

It’s been so long since I’ve been to a hair salon, I’m not even sure they still exist. Like…I might have driven past one? And  used to enjoy the relaxing feeling of someone styling and cutting your hair. Now I get that, but in the stressful environment of showbiz, usually in a chair on-set with …

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Keep Wallpaper

Alright, so the what was destined to happen from the very beginning has come to pass: ‘Renovation Break-In!’ has been cancelled after four episodes. Considering the subject matter that’s still a pretty good innings, but also at the same time tragic, because it was my favourite show in the entire world. Bar none. It just …

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